10 Books I never finished reading....Shame....shame.....shame...

top10 Once again I’m linking up with The Broke and the Bookish, todays topic is “Top ten books that you started but never finished reading”. There are many books that I started to read but never finished, either because it was bad, I wasn't in the mood or I was too confused to try and figure it out. So here is my list. And don’t forget to check out other people’s posts, spread the love. I own 8 of these books, so I will most likely go back to some of them and try again. Sometimes all it is it timing. When you click on the cover images you will be taken to my amazon associates account.




Insomnia by Stephen King

After reading The Shining and Bag of Bones when I was 14 I decided to read more of Stephen King, and with this book I stopped, for quite a while. This book seemed boring and it dragged on to get the story started. But I never read far enough to know if it got any better. I still own it and will most likely go back to it one day.


The Time Travelers Wife by Audrey Niffenegger

I like time travel, it's an intriguing topic but this was a little too confusing for me. I couldn't figure out when and where he traveled. I watched the movie instead. Which confused me as well, but I enjoyed it a little bit more than the book.



12 Years a Slave by  Solomon Northup, Randy Decuir (ghostwriter)

I wanted to read this book as soon as I found out that they were making a movie, but as it turned out the movie was better, for me at least. There were too many big words in this book. I didn't feel like reading it with my dictionary. So I saw the movie instead.



Modern Prophet Edgar Cayce

To be honest I like the idea of prophecy, but I don't think it exists, I don't think anyone can tell the future. My boyfriend recommended this book to me, but I just couldn't get into it.




Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell

I know this is a good book, and I really want to read it, but when I tried a few years ago I just wasn't in that mood. I need to be in a certain mood for this book. And by the way, it's huge.



The Fiery Cross by Diana Gabaldon

I love this series, don't get me wrong, but this book dragged on so much I skipped a lot of pages just to get through the book so I could move on to the next one. I did read most of it, I just skipped a lot. But I still like it, and will read the last one too.



Paradise Lost by John Milton

Lets just say I want o read it but I'm too stupid. Haha there are so many difficult words in this book as well as the way it's written I know that I would be confused. It's something to read in English class.



The Devils Cup by Stweart Lee Allen

So this guy is just traveling all over finding out how coffee is made, and blah blah blah. All I wanted to know was a little bit about coffee and then drink some. Wake up and move on. I didn't care for this book.



The Zookeepers Wife by Diane Ackerman

I just couldn't get into this story, there wasn't much of a story, ti was all about the animals. I just had no patience to find out. Maybe some other time.



The Russian Concubine by Kate Furnivall

I started this book right after I read The Bronze Horseman, so I was in a Russian mode, but since there wasn't a lot of romance like the Bronze Horseman I quickly put it away. I do have the whole trilogy so I will probably give it another try.

Too many books?


Why do I obsessively buy books?

Is there something wrong with me, or does everyone do this. And by everyone I mean people who love to read. I have a kindle (even though I swore for years i wouldn't get one, but I kind of like it, it reads to me), and books are so much cheeper on it. Also, I have a library card and the library is only blocks from my house. I can get books for free, so why do I NEED to have them on my shelves? Maybe because they are super pretty, I love the way they feel and smell, and it's decorative too. I like to be able to just look into the living room and see all the books I read, and will read. To connect with the characters, be able to say hi. Yea right, like they can hear me. I think I'm just crazy.

But I'm spending A LOT of money on books, and I need to stop. I have enough to read for about 5-7 years, at the rate I'm going now. My main reason to buy is because if I don't I will forget about it and never read it. So when I see a good book I snatch it up, as if a couple years it will cease to exist. Oh what is wrong with me. Someone make me stop buying books. Or at least tell me you do the same so I don't feel like a freak. Should I check into to a recovery center, this is a problem.

I want MORE books from these authors!!


Once again I’m linking up with The Broke and the Bookish, todays topic is “Top Authors I've Only Read One Book From But NEED to Read More". I own a lot of books, over 500 and have barely read half, probably way less, but I just buy buy buy, and usually when I read a book and like it, I right away buy more books from the author, because if I don't I might forget to do it later and then never read a book that that author again. Yes, I am crazy, here is my list.  And don't forget to check out other people's posts, spread the love.

1. David Nicholls  I read One Day and loved it so much I could't wait to see the movie, which was good too. But now I'm curious about the rest of his books. I already own a couple so that shouldn't be a problem.

2. Katherine Howe I read The Physick Book of Deliverance Dane a few years ago and really enjoyed the idea of witches, and magic.  And I already own Conversion so I will definitely get into this magical world.

3. Douglas Adams It's about aliens, that's all I have to say. Funny aliens and I have all the sequels to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and will read them sometime in the future.

4. Steig Larsson The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo: Book 1 of the Millennium Trilogy (Vintage Crime/Black Lizard) This books blew my mind, I already bought the second one, but I need to be in a certain mood to read it. Not a happy book.

5. Neil Gaiman The Ocean at the End of the Lane was so great that I fell in love with Gaiman, and only then discovered that I already own 3 of this other books. 

6. Michael Crichton My boyfriend loves Crichton, and told me to read Jurassic Park, and I did, and I loved it. Then I realized that I have read another book by this author,  Timeline and enjoyed that one as well. And I have about 10 of his books on my shelves and will sure give then a try.

7. Ian McEwan Who didn't love One Day, that was such a sad and beautiful book, I really want to read more of his work.

8. Charles Dickens I love classics, not that I read a ton, just to have them on hand when I'm in a classic mood. The first book by Dickens that I read was The Great Expectations, I didn't understand it at first. But after the story picked up speed I really enjoyed it.

9. E. Lockhart I just finished We Were Liars a few days ago, and loved it, the twist at the end really made this one of my favorites. I don't even know if Lockhart wrote more books but I will look into them.

10. Liane Moriarty I read The Husbands Secret, and although I wasn't too impressed it was a good book, so I already picked up another one. Of course. I have a book buying problem.

Do you live vicariously through books?


Do any of you ever read a book just so you can escape reality? To live vicariously thought the characters, a life different from your own? Do you wish to be swept up into this imaginary world full of wonder, and not have to focus on dirty dishes or laundry. Well, I do, and I'm pretty sure lot's of people do too, what would be the point of reading otherwise. I guess unless you only read non-fiction to try and better your knowledge, than no you don't want to escape reality. And why do we want an escape, are our lives that crappy that we have to imagine some other life?

Sometimes your life just sucks a little, and all you want to do is read a feel good book, pretend you're the main character, have all these awesome things happen to you, kiss a boy, dance, smile, be happy, travel to another planet and meet aliens. But why? Is it because we're unhappy, that we would want to escape, or is it out of curiosity. I sometimes do it just out of boredom, but other times I'm just curious what world the author created, and yes, when I felt sad I would read a sad book. But why, I guess to know that somewhere out there are people just as sad as me. (Usually I was sad because of my then boyfriend now ex, he would piss me off quite often, hence the ex.)

So why do you read? For pleasure, escape to to learn?

Hobbies and Babies

babies and books

(even the baby loves her books)

When I got pregnant a couple years ago, instead of being told by others that my life will now be full of joy and happiness and little giggles running around the house, I was mostly told that my life will be over. (And that my plan on an epidural free birth was doomed to fail too because I have no idea the pain I will be in. Well, they were wrong. I did it all natural, and even read a book while in labor, well the first few hours of it anyway. Your can all about that in my birth story.)

They said that nce you have a kid you won't have time for hobbies (mine being reading and painting). All these people don't even have hobbies, what do they know, when they're done with cleaning cooking and caring for the kids they watch tv, or go to sleep. So yea I guess they don't have time for hobbies, they don't have them to begin with. I thought it was absolutely silly, maybe all those people have monster children that don't listen and don't sleep, ever.

baby sleeping with book

Babies are fun, yes they are a lot of work, but that shouldn't come as a shock to people, you have 9 months to prepare and realize that it's gonna be a lot of work. So with that in mind I set off to prove people that I will not be affected by this. Sure my life will change, we won't be able to go to the movies whenever we want to, or out to dinner because of bed times and no available babysitters. But you know what, we are introverts, we don't like parties and clubs and the such. We prefer to stay home and read, watch tv, my boyfriend plays guitar. We had hobbies and you know what we still do.

And I know people who read and do other things as well as have children, so I was out to prove all the haters wrong.

This is how my day goes.

• I wake up at 6am, get ready, wake up the baby at around 7am and get her dressed and in the car by 7:10 and on her way to grandmas.

• At work during lunch I blog, write my posts and reviews.

• I get out of work between 2pm and 2:30pm. So that puts me home with the baby at around 3pm. I listen to books on the way to and from work. Usually she sleeps then, but not always, if she does I put her in the crib when we get home and most of the time she sleep all the way till 5. That gives me a lot of time to clean, prepare dinner, blog, and read. If she's awake I turn on Barney for her and give her some of her books to play with, she loves books. I feed her and then start to prepare dinner if I haven't done so already.

• If it's a day when I go for a run I just prepare the dinner but don't cook it. If I don't plan on running I cook it and we eat anytime between 5:30 and 8:00. If I'm running then I wait till my boyfriend comes home and explain to him how to cook the dinner, or just put in the oven while I go and it's ready when I get back.

• And this is where I'm really lucky, my boyfriend cooks. He loves to cook, I don't have to do all the cooking, I just tell him I'm busy and he is happy to do it. If I go run then I listen to an audio book, if the baby is sleeping I listen to or read a book, If she's awake and playing nicely on her own, I listen to a book while cooking.She does have days when she won't do anything but hold onto my legs and cry while I'm trying to do dishes.That's when I play with her and Sean cooks. But usually she's pretty well behaved.

• When she was smaller I would just put her in a pack and play and have her in the kitchen with me. She can play on her own as long as it's in the same room as me. And you can read while breastfeeding too. Newborn sleep all day long, lots of free time, and the sleep while the baby sleeps never worked for me.

• After dinner it's, play with the baby time for daddy and I finish cleaning and dishes. Or he cleans and I give the baby a bath, feed her and spend some time before I put her to bed.

• At 8pm I put her down and she sleeps, all on her own. So at 8 I begin my day, baby free.

I read, blog, watch tv, do pilates, and sometimes paint (not currently, we are remodeling the room we paint in). What else is there to do, I do the cleaning when she's awake so that I can do other things when she sleeps. Yes I do have time to play with her too. I don't go to sleep till about 11 or even midnight. That gives me 3-4 hours of free time a day. And this isn't how ALL my days look, I don't run everyday, and I don't always read, but I do listen to audio books a little while driving. I don't always cook and clean, if the house is clean I relax. Sometimes I just watch tv and I don't blog every day. But I do manage to squeeze in my hobbies. I would go crazy without them. Just cooking,cleaning and watching kids would drive anyone crazy, I need hobbies, especially books to keep sane.

So to everyone who said that I will never read once I have a baby, I so proved you wrong. I run and read and take care of a baby too. It's possible, so there.

weekend update


I am linking up with runningnreadin.com in this Weekend Update Link-up, love this idea and will be joining weekly (I hope). So here is my weekend, I hope you guys enjoy it and can’t wait to see yours…

This weekend wasn't really eventful, I spent most of it reading and relaxing. We did attend a wedding on Friday night, which was great, but after a day of work all I wanted to do was sleep. On saturday we woke up as late as we could, given we have a 1 year old it was about 8am. And we had to start getting ready for the neighborhood block party. We prepared some food, and headed over there, and boy did the baby love it. The fire truck showed up and was spraying the kids with water in the middle of the street. Evelyn loved the water, and of course I had to get all wet too while holding her. But it was fun. She was running around the grass having a blast, giggling the whole time. Even stayed way past her bed time, but she slept like a log. I met some new neighbors, a fellow runner in his 60's that's training for a half marathon. Crazy, I can't even do more than 5k, yet. Sunday I spent finishing up The Help, and I absolutely loved it. Review will be up today or tomorrow. I watched the movie already, which I DVR'd about 2 years ago, and still haven't watched it. The characters were so not what I pictured in my head, everyone seemed really young.  But more on that in my review. I didn't run at all, couldn't find a good time. Plus I've been feeling really sick, headaches and dizziness. So I didn't do much. That is all for my weekend. Hopefully yours was much more fun. Can't wait to see everyones posts.

top ten books I recommend about Historical Fiction


Once again I'm linking up with thebrokeandthebookish.com in this weeks top ten Tuesday, they have the best ideas, so join us in the fun of blogging.

So I'm supposed to share with you 10 books that I recommend in a certain category Historical fiction is by far my favorite genre, I never really took a lot of interest in history or paid much attention in history classes and that's why I don't know things I should.  But I discovered historical fiction, I think the first one was The Bronze Horseman and boy did I love it. And that's how my obsession for historical fiction started. These are the 10 I read so far but there are many many more on my shelves, just waiting to be read. Hope everyone enjoys what i have to share and I will be checking you out too.


The-Bronze-Horseman-Paullina-Simons #1 The Bronze Horseman: When I stumbled upon The Bronze Horseman, I fell in love, because it not only has teenage romance (that later follows into adulthood) but also is set in Russia during WWII. Now I know more about that war than any other one, but I never learned anything from the point of view of other countries. I loved this book, I learned quite at bit about Europe and the countries involved in the war.








Outlander-20thAnniversaryEdition#2 Outlander: amazing! What else is there to say. I loved this book and the next three in the series. The rest aren't that good. But they are all historical fiction books set in the 1700 Scotland and later in the U.S. I never learned anything about Scotland. Nor did I have any interest in that country. But once I read this book all that changed. There is the jacobite rising and war with England. Later the revolutionary war and a glimpse of WWII.

My review here

Other books in the Series are

Dragonfly in Amber


Drums of Autumn

The Fiery Cross

A Breath of Snow and Ashes

                                                        An Echo in the Bone

                                                           Written in My Own Hearts Blood

PoisonbySaraPoole#3Poison, book one in a series. This story is set in Rome, Italy in 1942 where Francesca Giordano is the official poisoner of the Borgia family. She is also determined to find and avenge her father killer. This story is pretty good, wasn't my favorite, but it was about a time period that I don't know much about. And through this book I became more aware of the way our great organized religion works. Kill everyone who doesn't agree with you and just say God wants it that way. (No offense to religious people, but that is just me).

My review here






15195#4 Maus: I read this book in college for class and I wouldn't say I loved it. But it was interesting. It's about mice.But the mice are supposed to be like the Jews and the pigs are the Germans. Sort of reminds me of Animal Farm. It's a comic book, YOU WILL FINISH IN ONE SITTING








sarahs-key#5 Sarah's Key. Set during WWII. Paris, July 1942: Sarah, a ten year-old girl, is brutally arrested with her family by the French police in the Vel' d'Hiv' roundup, but not before she locks her younger brother in a cupboard in the family's apartment, thinking that she will be back within a few hours.


That's all you need to know, this book was great. There is a movie out there, kind of hard to find.

My review here






wintersea#6 The Winter Sea: This reminded me of Outlander, because it's set in Scotland and it's in the 1700's too, as well as the 20th century. The story is about Carrie, she is a writer and she visits the Slains  Castle in Scotland to get a better look at it, since that is where her story will take place. She decided to name one of the characters in her book after her own ancestor that used to live there. Well if your like time travel books, this will hit the spot. Not so much time travel and channeling the dead. hmmm. It was really good, the ending really pissed me off though, but it wasn't bad.

My review here






guernsey-book#7 The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society: another one from WWII. This one follows a few people from the Guernsey Island. I never even knew such a place existed till I read this. It's a short book. And right up our alley. It's about a book club, during war, and how the characters try to save books and keep sane by reading and discussing.

My review here







9780385503952#8 Atonement: Ok I have a problem. I know. Most of these are about WWII. But that's just my go to topic. This book was so good I'm kind of sad it finished. The story changes perspective in the first 3rd of the book so many times it becomes a bit confusing, and a bit redundant, but in hindsight is really important to the story. The prose writing that McEwan obviously has a great dexterity in is really special. The events are so elaborate, a few times I couldn't wrap my head around them. And the sexual connotations, that Briony's crazy imagination doesn't interpret correctly, play a big part in the story, making me hate her even more. The ending came as a shock, I really didn't see it coming, I had so many different endings in mind, but this totally blew my mind. In a good way. If you like surprise endings you will love this. The movie was really good too. I recommend this book to all.

My review here





4667024#9 The Help: I haven't finished the book yet, I'm on chapter 5. So I can't really say anything yet, but so far I love it. A new topic for me.

Twenty-two-year-old Skeeter has just returned home after graduating from Ole Miss. She may have a degree, but it is 1962, Mississippi, and her mother will not be happy till Skeeter has a ring on her finger. Skeeter would normally find solace with her beloved maid Constantine, the woman who raised her, but Constantine has disappeared and no one will tell Skeeter where she has gone.

Aibileen is a black maid, a wise, regal woman raising her seventeenth white child. Something has shifted inside her after the loss of her own son, who died while his bosses looked the other way. She is devoted to the little girl she looks after, though she knows both their hearts may be broken.

Minny, Aibileen's best friend, is short, fat, and perhaps the sassiest woman in Mississippi. She can cook like nobody's business, but she can't mind her tongue, so she's lost yet another job. Minny finally finds a position working for someone too new to town to know her reputation. But her new boss has secrets of her own.

Seemingly as different from one another as can be, these women will nonetheless come together for a clandestine project that will put them all at risk. And why? Because they are suffocating within the lines that define their town and their times. And sometimes lines are made to be crossed.

13508607#10 The Secret Keeper: The Secret Keeper is my favorite Kate Morton book, so far. I love her style of writing and her ideas for stories. They pull you right in and they keep you there till the big reveal at the end. It's sort of a mystery suspense, but in a more girly way.

During a summer party at the family farm in the English countryside, sixteen-year-old Laurel Nicolson has escaped to her childhood tree house and is happily dreaming of the future. She spies a stranger coming up the long road to the farm and watches as her mother speaks to him. Before the afternoon is over, Laurel will witness a shocking crime. A crime that challenges everything she knows about her family and especially her mother, Dorothy—her vivacious, loving, nearly perfect mother.

I don't know if this qualifies as a historical fiction, but it does take place during WWII (yea I know more war) but I loved loved loved this book. It takes place in England before the war and well into the 60's. It's about Dorothy, Vivien, and Jimmy who meet by chance in London and who are forever connected. In ways you will not believe.



weekend update


I am linking up with runningnreadin.com in this Weekend Update Link-up, love this idea and will be joining weekly (I hope). So here is my weekend, I hope you guys enjoy it and can't wait to see yours...

There wasn't much going on here this weekend. Aside from doing the dishes at least 15 times and yelling "don't touch that!" every few seconds I did manage to finish a book Mother, Mother by Koren Zailckas. Check out the review here. I spent the days mostly with the baby, and helping out with the house remodel, we're building a room in the back for our little art studio, we both paint and currently all our stuff is in the laundry room, not much space. Canvases are taking over the house, if anyone is interested here is the website where you can purchase my awesome painter boyfriend's stuff. I picked up some new books to try and cram on my bookshelves, like I don't have enough. I can't help it, I'm am seriously addicted to buying books, I NEED HELP. I don't think there's ever a time when I go to Target and not check out the book section, there might be something new and amazing and I can miss it. And we don't want that. I have heard of Under the Dome by Stephen King being a new series and have been seeing it all over the place but I never took an interest. Well something told me to read the back of the book Duh! And wow, I love the concept, wasn't this on The Simpsons? Either way I will read this one really soon. And I read The Husbands Secret a little while ago and loved it, so without even reading what Big Little Lies was about I just bought it. What the heck, right. untitled-945

I only managed to run 4 miles total, my goal was 4 miles at once, but no chance, I'm so out of shape need to start my Pilates again, some strength training, my hips and knees are bad bad bad. I wanted to do an 8K reach in September but I don't know if I'll be in shape by then, seems like I'm fallen apart (health wise) and I'm only 27. Oh well, I'll keep trying. I did rent an audio book (The Help) from the library and was listening to that while running, I kind of like that, more relaxing than music. 


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The OH SO GREAT! thing that happened this weekend was Saturday at 12am I watched the premiere of Outlander on STARZ!! OMG I loved it, they did great job sticking to the story and of course Jamie is super hot. No really what I imagined, only way better.


I spent A LOT of time on redesigning my blog, yes this blog. I moved to wordpress last week and just have to make it look and function well, it's about 90% done, so bare with me here.

Also I baked and cooked and made some ice-cream. (recipe below)untitled-950 untitled-955 untitled-952(I promise she's safe)

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Spending all day with the little munching is so fun, yes she was trying to eat crackers with a spoon. Hahaha So that's my weekend, motherly duties and some books.  I will be checking out what everyone else has been up to, and maybe I can stumble on something new and interesting.


Ten authors that take up the most space on my bookshelf

This is my first time linking up with The Broke And The Bookish blog. The topic for this week is "top ten authors we own the most books of"  Love your ideas, and will continue to link up on Tuesdays. I have some 400+ books, so the authors tend to repeat, once I find someone I really like, I buy and buy more.  #11 books by Nicholas Sparks And why shouldn't I? When you're in the mood for some clean Romance you need Sparks to lift your mood. Here is what I got so far reviewed. Rescue The Notebook Lucky One The Wedding #10 books by Michael Crichton First book I read was Timeline and loved it, how can you go wrong with time travel. Since then I read Jurassic Park and have much more to go. Most of these are my boyfriends but I will get to them eventually too.  #9 books from Stephen King Still haven't read all of them, but slowly getting there. Favorite is of course The Shining and Bag of Bones. #9 books by Diana Gabaldon 8 of these are from the series Outlander. And I got to say the first 3.5 books I loved. The rest, meehh. Here is my latest review for A Breath of Snow and Ashes and An Echo in the Bone. #8 books by Jodi Picoult Love her books, especially The Pact. She tackles the best subjects. #7 Paullina Simons books Oh how I love The Bronze Horseman, Tatiana and Alexander and The Summer Garden (I will do a review of these eventually). And who can go wrong with Tully, Children of Liberty and Bellagrand. Love all her books. #7 by Emily Giffin She is without a doubt one of my favorite authors —come to think I don't think I have a favorite author, yet— she writes stories that seem to be right out of my life i.e. Something Borrowed. The latest one I read was Heart of The Matter #7 by C.S Lewis I bought a set of Narnia and still haven't read them, but hope to do it soon, they are really small books. #6 By Jane Austen  I love Jane Austen, she seems like such a nice and innocent girl. Her books are very sweet, romantic and entertaining. Loved Pride and Prejudice. It's nice to read classics that are for younger audiences, that don't involve vampires and zombies.  Other books by Austen I have reviewed are Sense and Sensibility and Mansfield Park.

A Breath of Snow and Ashes by Diana Gabaldon

A Breath of Snow and Ashes, I have been trying to figure out why this is the name of the book and what it means, and I just can't figure it out. Yet. You have to know that I am absolutely in love with these books, and there is nothing that will make me hate them. But that doesn't mean that I haven't been tempted to just give up on the whole series, throw the book again a wall and be done with it. It is very time consuming to read all 8 books. And they are really long too. Sure the first 3 few by, it took me only a few days to get through those. But after we met Brianna I just slowly lost interest. I just can't picture her in my mind. I have  no idea what she would look like or be like, other than annoying. She really bugs me in a way no other character has bugged me yet.

But I got to say she was better now then in the Fiery Cross, where all we heard about her was her breastfeeding, and her swollen breasts. I just miss the old Jamie and Claire, Brianna and Roger don't even begin to compare.

The book flows nicely from different character points of view, I wasn't too confused as to who was speaking when, I didn't mind getting to know the characters from their perspective, as well as others'. The only thing that really bugged me was the ending, I couldn't read fast enough to find out what will happen and then when things finally started to happen, it went by so quick I was left wondering why was 90% of the book dedicated to things that were totally unrelated to the main story and 10% to the good part. But I guess that's just how cliff hangers go. And I picked up the next book that same day. So it did it's trick, it sucked me in, and I don't regret reading it, unlike the 5th book.

Dislikable Thursdays

Share your thoughts on a book, that you really didn't like, tell us why you didn't like and should we even attempt to read it ourselves? 

As the saying goes "One person's trash is another persons treasure." Maybe someone else will love the book and want to kindly take if off your hands. There are many books that I did not like but some of my friends enjoyed, so don't think of this as a hate post. Because others may like what you don't. Please keep it clean though, and don't me mean. I will be checking.
1. Do not bash the author, it's not their fault you don't like their style. (any hateful comments will be    deleted).
2. Tell us why you dislike the book. And if there is anyone who might, just might enjoy it.
3. Link up on the bottom of this post to share your hated book.
4. Somewhere on your post mention lovethybook.com and link back to this post.
The book that I absolutely could not stand was 50 Shades of Grey, I read it, but it was painful. I'm not a fan of erotic books to begging with, but since this book was everywhere I just had to see what all the hype was about. And boy was I disappointed.  And it wasn't just the story that sucked, it was the grammar errors. I was 11 when I moved to this country and had to learn English, but this was just laughable, I had a strong urge to take a red pen and correct the spelling and run on sentences. Even the simplest word processing software has spell check, there is no excuse. Even though I really disliked this book, there are many friends I know that loved it. And hey they are making a movie out of it, so I'm curious how that will look.  So yes, I would recommend this book to others. But realizing that it is fan fiction makes it more bearable.

How my baby came into this world naturally

Birth Story

"I think natural,drug free birth is great, but it sure isn't for everyone"


Although we were not trying for a baby we got one, the pregnancy went pretty good, morning sickness through 11th week, and then it was smooth sailing. I worked till the last day and felt really good overall, yes people did treat me like I was handicapped. Really, I was capable to touch my toes till the last day, but for some reason people freaked out when I picked something off the floor. When I first got pregnant, like any other woman, I did A LOT of research. I looked up everything, about the baby and pregnancy, then as time went by I had to prepare for what would be the best and toughest day of my life. 
GIVING BIRTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No, nothing can really prepare you, but the more the better.
What some women call a nightmare, I wanted to make amazing and memorable, due to watching “The Business of Being Born”.  I'm me, and I wanted my experience to be unique, as unique as a birth can be. "My body my rules" is what I kept saying to myself, a way of preparing for the unknown. I spent hours on the internet looking up birth stories :), and other information. Mostly the differences between epidural and no epidural, yup that's right, I decided NO EPIDURAL!  I wanted the whole experience, I wanted to say "I did it, I was in charge of giving birth to MY baby". Aside from the fact that I was terrified of the needle, and just the procedure itself, I didn't want to put my baby at risk. Yes people, there are risks and side effects that come with epidurals, most include interventions during birth, something women don't consider until it's too late. 
(Example: the epidural lowers blood pressure for mom, meaning babies heart rate drops (ask your doctor, it's true) if it drops enough, they might have to do emergency c-section to "help the baby", use the vacuum or forceps to speed up delivery, possible injuring the baby and tears to mother. Episiotomy, because you can't feel and don't know how hard you're pushing (yes I hear to can feel pressure, I don't think the pressure is enough). Also I found it caused babies not to latch on well. Spinal headaches and backaches. In very very rare cases paralyses, or having it and it not working.)  Why suffer for days or months after giving birth. I'd rather suffer one day and be done with it, and not worry about the baby. And the thing that really pushed me towards a natural birth was the documentary "The Business of Being Born". 
So….I wanted to avoid ALL interventions, (Episiotomy....egh shivers) I don't like doctors poking around and making decisions that effect me. It's my body, and it knows what to do. A guy with a medical degree never gave birth so I 'm not gonna let him tell me how to. My body was made to do this, and I told myself I would. (yes I do realize sometimes the baby is in trouble and things happen), but still, if it's low risk pregnancy, LEAVE ME ALONE! I’m a taurus, stubborn, and I will get my way. Once I make up my mind, it's hard to talk me out of it.
When I was pregnant every woman "well almost" would tell me their horror story and how it's just a stupid idea to try to do it without drugs. And that I was doomed to fail, because the majority of women who want to go natural are the first ones to ask for an epi "a nurse told me that" Really? millions of women for thousands of years chose the epidural? Those just came out like 30 years ago. I might have not known exactly what to expect, and the extent of the pain, but I sure as hell didn't think it was going to be easy. I was fully prepared for the worst pain I could imagine (and no it wasn't as bad as I imagined), I had kidney stones a few years ago, so I had a little bit of an idea.


I was due on a wednesday, Friday everyone at work said goodbye to me, they were sure I was going into labor over the weekend. I was not. On Sunday we were putting in a new floor in our laundry room, I was having small Braxton Hicks all day long, but I didn't think anything of them since I've been getting those for months. So I was on my feet all day long. During all this hard work "mostly handing tools, calculating cuts and cleaning", I noticed that my mucus plug came out. I knew now that it was going to be soon, I was all excited and announced to Sean that it will be soon.
I talked to my baby, "don't come today baby, mommy has been working all day and I'm too tired to give birth now, wait until we get some sleep". I was having more contractions all night, but I thought they were just Braxton Hicks, I slept through it mostly. At 4am I went to the bathroom, went back to bed and tried to sleep more before going to work, suddenly my eyes got wide, I said to my boyfriend, "I think my water broke", at that moment I jumped out of bed, and water just gushed out of me. I started yelling to Sean, "GET UP my water broke, get me a towel, a big one!"
As I stood in a puddle in the middle of the bedroom, one thought was on my mind. "I'm going to meet my baby today". I was so excited, I quickly went to take a shower, got out of the shower, dried myself off, and then more water came spilling out. So I went back in the shower. Finally came out and went to look for a big pad. I was leaking every time I moved, so funny. My original plan was to labor at home as long as I could, but now that was not possible.
I called my doctors office to see which one of my doctors (I have a group) was on call. Waited for her to call me back and started to get ready to leave. Sean decided to have some breakfast, I ate too, he did dishes, packed, and finally at 7:30am we left. On the way I tried to time my contractions, which by now were about 2 minutes apart. I thought I was in active labor. They should be about 5 minutes apart early on. But they didn't hurt, just felt like slight period cramps. I felt pretty good, no pain. I was super excited, I've been planning and preparing for months, now it was finally here.
We got to the hospital at 8am, I was 1.5cm dilated at that time and 100% effaced. They took us to the delivery room, it was big and pretty, lots of windows. 
I didn't have an actual birth plan written out, I don't think any of the doctors in my group knew I wanted an all natural birth, it was my personal plan, I never discussed it with any of them because I was a low risk pregnancy, I didn’t feel the need to tell them.
I laid on the bed, I was told they would monitor me for 30 minutes and then I was free to do what ever (my plan was to walk a lot and sit on the ball, anything but the bed). The nurse hooked up the fetal monitor, 2 seconds later she told me to flip over fast. So I started to flip over, being huge didn't help, with a panicked voice she yelled flip over fast. And she helped me. She told my boyfriend to press the emergency button and started yelling into the speaker that she needed help STAT. I think my heart shipped about 10 beats, I was sure her next words were going to be "there is no heartbeat". But after a little while she said the babies heart rate is very low, and I might need an emergency c-section.
"WHAT?!?! she can't make that call, she's a NURSE not a doctor". 
At that point I just got angry, my plan was going out the window, so I tried to relax as much as I could so she would leave me alone. After a while the heart rate came up, a different doctor from my group came to see me. And he didn't seem happy, he acted as if it was my fault that my babies heart rate was low. He made a big deal that he had to travel all of the 4 miles to get to this hospital (at which he was on call too). I wasn't allowed to eat.  I hated him immediately. At about 10am I was checked again and this time I was 2.5cm dilated. "come on, only that much?"
The head nurse finally came and I told her my back really hurt from laying in the bed, she was nice enough to bring me a ball to sit on. It felt so good to sit. I was back on track, I was no longer confined to bed. "Who came up with that bright idea? a man probably, no doubt". I couldn't really walk around because I was hooked up to the monitor the whole time and had a saline drip. But my contractions still didn't hurt much. I was reading a book and laughing for the next few hours. Slowly the contractions started to get a little more painful, I was asked if I wanted and epidural, I declined. Now it felt like bad period cramps, but bearable. So I was sitting on a ball with a towel under me, I thought it was very funny, I couldn't tell if I was leaking water or peeing, but something was coming out of me. After a few more hours it got more painful, now I was moaning in pain and even sitting became a little uncomfortable. I couldn't move, I was hooked up to the monitor because every time I moved in the wrong position the babies heart rate was going down. So I couldn't do much walking, only stood and rocked.
A different doctor showed up, thank God,  this one I liked a lot more. At around 6pm I couldn't take it anymore, I couldn't sit the way I was sitting, because I couldn't lean on anything (the babies heart rate slowed in that position), I couldn't stand, so I opted for the bed. "I know, worst thing you can do." But I curled up in a ball and that made it more bearable. At that point I was about 7cm it was around 7pm. I was asked again if I want an epidural, and again I had to decline. But it hurt so much I got something else. Forgot the name, but it sort of relaxed me between contractions. They still hurt the same, but I was a little dizzy so I didn't care. 
But that wore of within an hour, and now it just hurt even more, I was back to reality. I swear at that point I wanted to escape from my body, my back hurt so much I couldn't breathe, in my mind I started to panic. Because the contractions didn't come every 2 or 1 minute, they just came all at once, I had no time to regroup in between. 
All I was saying was "MyBackHurtsMyBackHursMyBackHurts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The doctor said I might be having back labor. Great, I thought. I was shaking and felt nauseous. I knew it meant I was in transition, that made me feel a little better, knowing that it was almost over. The nurse sat by me and explained that I needed to relax, and then everything would move faster. I relaxed as much as I could,  I pictured myself above my body, not in it. I was imagining that there was no pain, I just breathed. I felt myself give in to the pain, not clench when it started, that was so hard to do. I just kept telling myself that the pain is good, that it means the baby is coming, that my body is doing what it should be doing. I’m not ill, I’m not dying, this is suppoed to be this way. Then I thought about my Grandmothers, having 11 and 8 kids, all drug free, at home. If they could do it, why wouldn’t I?  My boyfriend said I was totally out of it, I was there but I was not present, I was in my own little world imagining everything I could besides being where I was. At 8pm I was at 10cm, ready to push. I guess I could have waited till I really had the urge but because the heart rate was so low and I was in so much pain I wanted to geat a head start. They attached a monitor to the babies head, underneath the skin (omg that hurt so much), because as I was pushing the monitor on my belly didn't pick up the heart beat. They also put in a catheter because I  had a full bladder, babies head was in the way so I couldn't go pee anymore. The catheter hurt more than the stupid contractions. 
So I was pushing, and I got to say every contraction that I pushed through, hurt much less. I was more focused on the pushing than the pain. I don't know if I was making any progress at the beginning but I was doing it because if felt better. I was picturing my baby being pushed out. I tried different positions but with the back pain I could barley move, so I just stayed on my back, slightly propped (my plan was to avoid that but I just couldn't move).
In the middle of all this pain, pushing, and trying to relax, I was just looking at Sean, and how calm he was. I sort of had a plan for him to be behind my head, to never see the gorryiness, I heard that some men loose the sexual interest for women after seeing all that (he didn’t). So I wanted to save him, but he had different plans. He now describes it as violent and unstoppable "you had a human rip out of you". Correction, nothing ripped, the baby slipped out. lol
Suddenly I had to push, my body was just pushing on it’s own, I had very little control over what was happening, so much that the nurse told me to stop, the doctor isn't in the room yet and the babies head was almost out. I thought at that point I was going to kick her in the face. How can she tell me to stop pushing, the baby is almost out and I'm supposed to stop. I just kept saying "I can't stop!!!". THIS WAS HELL, or so I thought. A few seconds later the doctor came in. Put his gloves on (felt like it took him an hour to do that) and told me to push. Oh it felt so good to push, and then…… it didn't (this is the wall I read about, I hit it hard). For a split second I had the idea of just getting off the table and going home, I would stay like this forever, it was better than causing myself PAIN on purpose. But how would I walk with a head sticking out of my crotch, so I thought my only way out was to die, so I wanted to die, then I thought, what if I beg for an epidural, they have give it to me. All those ideas sounded much better than what I was about to do……After a few seconds of hesitation, it was either stay in pain forever or push and the baby will be out. And it hurt SOOO much, I didn't want to push but I had to. And I finally did, I must have screamed like a mad woman, that's when the doctor said to stop pushing, WHAT!!! NOT AGAIN!!!!  My body was pushing on it's own. But then he said the magic words. "You're not tearing, stop pushing." I tried with all my power not to push, slowly the head came out, I saw it in the reflection of the light on the ceeling, he removed the umbilical cord from the babies neck, suctioned and told me to push a little, and then it was over. I felt her slip out, all the pain was gone, I DID IT!!! My baby was in my arms, and I heard someone say IT'S A GIRL! Immediately she latched on, all I could do was stare and smile. Then I turned to Sean and said “I could so do this again”. Haha, I don’t think he was rady for that just yet, I heard the nurse laughing. I was in such a good mood for the next few hours I couldn’t settle down, it gave me so much energy. Evelyn was born at 9:40pm 5lb 12oz, 16.5 hours of labor, and I did it all drug free, well almost, and not even one stitch, I credit that to her being tiny. She also didn't have a cone head. Perfectly round little head.
After everything was done, the doctor told me that because the baby's neck was wrapped with the cord and her heart rate was so low, that if I did take the epidural it would slow her heart rate much more "because that's what epidurals do" that I would've definitely ended up with a c-section. He said I made the right chice not going with the epidural. That's when I knew I wasn't crazy for going with my gut feeling. No one will ever tell me that a synthetic drug in your body is good for you. Giving birth isn't an illness, why drug yourself. I can’t imagine it any different, this is what it’s supped to be like, it’s supposed to hurt, the pain is a good kind of pain, sure it hurts like hell, but that’s what the female body was meant to do. I think my experience was very good, I was prepared, and I had a plan that I stuck to, even though I nver gave birth before I knew what to expect, and it happended the way I wanted it to. I don’t regret a thing. Now I know that my body and mind can handle what ever life throws at it. That was the toughest and most empowering thing I have ever done, and by far THE MOST painful. And I would do it again. So if you're considering a drug free birth, believe me, you can do it.